A Tiresome Monologue
by captainrexbest35
Summary: Meh, Captain Rex's thoughts on everthing?


Me: Well here's a little something I wrote at school. I don't own Star Wars the Clone wars, and I don't own the Alazars they belong to a friend.

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Pain and fear: I live my life in every waking day of it. There are too many that hurt us with it. However I have learned to bolt it down and use it as fuel for if not, I would not exist. I will not break. I have to stay alive and make sure to drop the enemy before they drop me. I have to protect my brothers and my family for they are all I have. Even still I argue with the many people that say that we're just inferior. We have no rights. We are not even considered human or citizens of the Republic. We do not even get paid. I have been offered chances to be promoted, to commander, but Captain Rex suits me just fine. I have everything I could ever want or need here with my men. We're not droids under this armor; we are flesh and blood, Jango Fett's blood to be exact. While I sit here writing this, I can hear the distant screams of my men in the back of my mind under assault. That little voice is becoming more and more constructive as well as destructive. I've decided to shut it out. I can shut out anything if I put my mind to it.

Many people may think that losing someone is easy—one person maybe, but not a million. We're only less than a year into the struggle yet I've lost so many of my brethren. Only one brother is enough but millions… all I can do is drop the enemy before they drop me as I've said before. I was bred to fight and die for the Republic, but Captain Rex is not ready to die. If and when I do die I'm planning on taking a few more of the enemy with me.

I am the King. I am the Alpha. I have power over both people and wolf and none can stop me: Never ever. Nothing will tear me down. I am one, I am All Wolves.

As I walk down the corridors of my confinement, The Resolute, I ponder this. There are five men remaining in the 501st Legion: Five and only five. The battle at Teth comes back to me plain as day. I enter the mess where the five remaining troopers sat in silence, drinking caf. None said anything, but as I entered they were on their feet in an instant with their spines in perfect alignment.

I barked a sharp, "At ease!" And they relaxed but did not move, "As you were." I said and they resumed their silent mourning. One of them was Coric, the only remaining sergeant of the 501st. The fact that he had lost his squad burned in the back of my skull. He would be in the throes of grief by now. Even if he were hiding it, I could practically feel the pain pulsing off of him. I joined my men and cut the comms so that it would not disturb our mourning.

I needed this time alone and I could tell that my men needed it as well. Coric looked up from staring into the depths of his cup. The pain in his eyes was evident, but he locked his face into neutral not knowing that I had seen the pain of his loss. He was the only medic the 501st had left. I reached out and placed a hand on his forearm. He gave a soft sigh. The sound was loud in the silence of the mess; however everyone was attracted to the sounds outside the mess.

Even through the walls of the Mess hall, the sound of arguing grew louder and louder. I could already tell it was the general and that little snippy padawan of his. I had actually taken a liking to her. Her name was Ahsoka Tano. She was togruta. I didn't have to speak a word to my men. A subtle gesture of my hand said it all. They stood to attention and I moved to their left as Jedi General Anakin Skywalker entered the empty room. Skywalker didn't notice us right away, but he did snap something that I chose to ignore at his padawan.

He looked to us and gave a grim smile then a nod that said at ease. Coric was now next to me and he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, movement almost unseen, very discreetly. I could identify the movement. That's one thing that set Coric apart from other clones. Even at attention he had a slight rock to him, and he did it on purpose. The young togruta was silent now.

As she spotted me she gave a sad smile and I returned one. It hadn't been their fault that we'd lost so many men… It was mine. I couldn't shake the pain that it was mine even if they say it wasn't my fault. I sighed inwardly. Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi was to rendezvous with us soon and we were to receive new troopers, fresh from Kamino. It took a long time to rebuild a battalion from five troopers. With General Kenobi's visit, I looked forward to seeing my best friend and favorite brother, Commander Cody. He was someone I could always count on him to help me with my problems. I only had one more hour to wait. I remained standing as the other four troopers sat. Coric followed me over to where the General and his Padawan now sat in the mess towards the back. Skywalker had a cup of caf in front of him, Ahsoka was drinking tea.

Skywalker looked up and gestured the two of them into a seat across from them. They sat, Coric kept his back straight at perfect attention. None of them said anything for a long time until Skywalker spoke.

"Once we get our new troops, I'm going to request some downtime for training, and I also hear that Gilad Pellaeon's warship is going out soon for a workup refit."

I had to admit it. The guy knew me. He also knew I liked Gilad. He wasn't as strict as Admiral Yularen and he didn't mind a few good jokes every now and then. I gave a ghost of a smile. It was time away from combat: Little time, but enough time to pull myself together. I needed to get myself together. Yet I still cannot shake the feeling that this is my responsibility. I never knew that the reality of command was this hard to face. This was something that we were never taught at Kamino. This was something I don't know how to cope with. I guess I'll have to ask Cody when he gets here.

Skywalker was quiet again as he sipped his caf quietly. Coric stood silently and walked back to the table where our remaining brothers sat. I looked down at the table and gave a very soft sigh. Ahsoka looked up at me but said nothing. I didn't—couldn't look up at her. I kept my gaze glued on the table. My hands clasped in front of me. I stood to leave and Skywalker stood as well, but the Padawan remained seated. I dipped my head respectfully as I made my way from the mess and into the corridor.

"Would you mind taking Ahsoka with you Rex?" He asked. I looked at him, a question in my eyes but I didn't push it. I simply nodded.

"Of course, Sir. She could use the extra training just as we could." He gave a slight smile then turned and walked in the other direction. I went back to my office, closed the door and locked it, and sat behind my desk sighing softly.

After several minutes of working through a few stray files and reorganizing my desk, I let my head sink onto the cold metal surface, and sleep engulfed me.

I dreamed. I dreamed I was back at home: Home with my pack where I belonged. I was the Alpha, the best of the best. I ran and hunted with my pack. They were my family, but we were one wolf.

I snapped awake to the sound of the door chime in my room going off. I lifted my head slowly and stared at the door as though it were a stranger. I shook my head to clear it then stood up and walked t o the door. I opened it blinking a few times. Behind it stood Coric. He had a look of genuine concern on his face. I stepped back to let him enter the room. I waved him into a seat in front of my desk then settled next to him signaling that this was an informal meeting.

"Sir, the general said that we were getting new recruits?" Inodded at his question.

"Is there a problem with that Coric?" I looked at him slightly confused. Coric simply frowned then looked up.

"No, Rex, but they wouldn't know." Coric said slowly in reference to my secret. He was one of the five remaining who knew. The rest were dead.

At this I frowned. "Perhaps, it is better that they do not know unless it is required." I said reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. He nodded thoughtfully and looked down at his hands.

"Rex I think that something bad is going to happen to some of them." He said closing his eyes. "And I also think that I may need to reveal my true form at that time."

I said nothing for a while then I looked up into the face of the man I had called a best friend and a mentor. "You will do what you think is right, Coric .I know you will."

He smiled sadly and spoke again. "I hate that they do not know the truth about me. With you it is a different thing… They would understand you, but me. I am a spirit wolf. I will always be one and there is no way to change that. His voice trailed to a whisper, "I will never be whole again. And all I can do is make sure that the same thing that happened to me doesn't happen to them."

I let my arm settle around the sergeant's shoulders. He grew quiet: That odd deathly quiet where you just knew that something was wrong, but you didn't know what and weren't going to find out anytime soon.. I looked at him but his gaze was locked on his hands.

I knew that deep down somewhere, m y heart was breaking for my love, and the love for my family. I needed them just as they would need me and there was no way that I could get to them. The Republic knew me as a clone.

I am not a clone nor will I ever be. I am Rex Alazar, king of Europe and Alpha of the Birov wolf pack. Coric was my friend and brother. I had to keep on top of things because my men needed me. I straightened up slightly and Coric looked at me with a soft smile. He understood.

I looked to Coric for support when I needed it and had none to turn to, and he always gave it when and if he could. He was wiser than me, older than me. He was over three hundred years old. How old exactly I didn't know but I did know that he would always be a good friend of mine.

There was something else bothering Coric, but I didn't know what and I wasn't going to pry either. He would speak up when the time came. I understood that. I felt like that a lot. When the time came, I would be there for him.

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Me: Read Review and yadda yadda.

Rex: *yawn.*


End file.
